Monday, May 28, 2007

The Empire Strikes Back

The current empire waist trend has been a blessing to all women whose mid-sections are problems and also to women who just wanna eat a big ass dinner and not have to unbutton their goddam pants afterwards.

Conversely, the current empire waist trend has also been a curse, misleading you to believe that empire waist dress is hiding a bun in the oven, when really she's not.

Recently, I made the latter faux pas. I mentioned to a woman that I thought she was pregnant, but she wasn't.


My bad!

I was at a boutique in Belmont Shores called La Bella. I was trying on jeans (the new wide-legged trouser style from Citizens of Humanity) and was concerned that the 28s were a lil tight. So I asked the non-preggers woman for her thoughts. Wisely and tactfully (tact-- something of which I was lacking), she didn't directly answer my question and instead answered my question with another question:

"Do you want me to get the next size up?"
"No, b/c I'm usually a 28 but I've gained some weight. So this will motivate me to get back to my original size."
"If it were me, I'd have to go like 10 sizes bigger."
"Oh, but you're pregnant."
"Oh honey, I'm not pregnant; I just eat a lot. It's the dress."

Oh man. I was SO SURE she was pregnant. I have never made that mistake before, and I felt incredibly awful. She had full breasts and a belly...and that wretched empire waist! Damn you, Empire Waist!

So, yeah, needless to say, out of guilt, I bought the damn jeans.


Blogger Tsquare said...

OMG!! That's so funny. I've worn empire waist sytle clothing often lately. Good thing you haven't though i am pregnant.

10:21 PM

Blogger Wannie said...

Dang, I have that conversation with my wife almost every day. I keep telling her, she better be pregnant to justify her weight gain.

3:16 PM

Blogger Wannie said...

I don't think I am being too rude though, because she's the only person that understands me.

3:17 PM

Blogger Victor said...

If I ever told my wife she was getting fat, more than the Empire would be striking ME back. "What? The scale says that we're both 10 pounds heavier than last year? No way. The damned thing is OBVIOUSLY busted, sweetie. Pass the Doritos, please."

10:19 PM


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